Raising children is far from easy.
And that’s without counting on the opinions of your loved ones and the unsolicited advice of your family.
Moreover, another barrier presents itself in front of the parents.
- How to raise a boy?
- How to raise a daughter?
- Does everyone have different needs?
This is the subject we are going to discuss today.
As a mother of three who has always fought against stigma and done everything to ensure that all my children are housed in the same boat, I cannot deny that there are clear differences.
The needs of my boys are not the same as those of my daughter.
My daughter is not interested in the same things as her brothers.
Moreover, their way of thinking and having fun are the opposite.
So, let’s decipher what it’s like to raise a boy and a girl.
The education of boys
When raising boys, you must know that they are born with different prerequisites.
Development in the womb was more difficult.
Since they lack a second X chromosome, they had to show greater strength to develop healthily.
At the same time, higher testosterone levels mean they come into the world with more drive.
From birth, masculine energy is activated.
This means their behavior is more motivated, penetrating, and a go-getter.
Boys crave more support and meaning.
The danger is that they quickly begin to seek that meaning outside by doing things that bring them special recognition.
Particular attention in accompanying boys should be that they find meaning and support.
To do this, they need deeply connected relationships with the most important caregivers and the opportunity to try to grow.
The most important caregivers are the parents.
Moreover, being an integral part of the community is particularly important for boys.
Let them contribute to your family life.
Let them lend a hand, get involved, and help shape things.
Show them that they can contribute to everyday life.
Unfortunately, that also means that fighting is part of that education.
But they should not be confused with aggression.
Boys like to measure their strength and use this type of game to understand their bodies and limits.
Get rid of sayings such as “boys don’t cry”!
In society, there is often an image of men as the “stronger sex” and the prejudice that boys are more robust than girls.
But when we’re raising boys and girls, we can sometimes leave them alone in situations where they need a deep connection.
Because, as already described above, it is extremely important for boys in particular – right from the start – to experience this deep love and connection in the family – of mother and father.
Free yourself and your sons from the belief that seeking connection and closeness has something to do with weakness.
This basic need is important for the survival of every child.
It is important to be aware of this when raising a boy.
Good male role models are important.
One of the most important is, of course, the father.
Trust your partner.
You are still important to your son.
But there are some things a boy should learn from a man.
Ultimately, any significant male caregiver can become a role model.
And if the boy can’t find anyone around him that allows him to connect and grow, it could be a football star or an action hero.
Boys can recognize and accept the feminine parts within themselves and learn to use them without seeing them as the solution to all their problems.
It is an optimal supplement that gives them more freedom.
And it’s a different process than girls are allowed to go through.
Girls are born with different prerequisites.
Instead of orienting outwards, they have more peace and stability within.
Feminine energy is a welcoming, receptive and creative energy.
This is seen in our sexuality and ability to create a new life in our bodies.
Even if these energies are sometimes perceived as passive, we, as women and our daughters, can realize that inviting, welcoming, and receiving are active decisions.
We decide what to invite into our lives and what to take and receive.
While masculine energy is one of action and impulse, feminine energy is no less creative.
On the contrary…
This energy is, above all, creative and full of transformative power.
And that, without trying to be and act like a man.
Contrary to the societal prejudice that these traits have to do with weakness and inferiority, they are full of power and strength.
Because we women have experienced from the beginning through our rescue gene – the second X chromosome – that we are strong.
We don’t need men to exist.
In fact, in some cases, the girls are forced to become as “tough and assertive” as the boys.
It would be the wrong way to educate boys and girls.
Because in doing so, we are maneuvering them into the problem that men are increasingly allowed to solve for themselves.
Namely, finding their support and meaning through recognition outside rather than inside.
We need the difference between boys and girls.
So let’s help our girls recognize their feminine strengths instead of teaching them how to harness more masculine energy within themselves.
The female cycle is sacred and has incredibly powerful energy when you learn to understand it.
Learn to know, use and love your cyclical energy and teach your daughter this appreciation.
This will help her understand, accept and love herself as a woman.
Since women look inward rather than outward, we sometimes tend to deal with issues internally and with ourselves.
We blame ourselves, take things personally and criticize ourselves.
Be a role model for your daughter and take her with you on your journey to self-love and inner happiness.
Let her know she’s awesome.
Repeating it over and over again is pointless.
Girls also need to be able to challenge themselves, try things, learn to make mistakes, and see them as a way to reach a goal rather than fail.
We can’t teach them that, but we can provide them with a space where they can have those experiences.
Good body awareness and an appreciation of the body’s femininity are extremely important for a strong and loving body image.
Society has come to regard many signs of femininity as repugnant – round hips, the menstrual cycle, the shape of breasts after breastfeeding, shapely thighs…
No wonder girls find it increasingly difficult to accept their bodies once they transform into women.
But all these things are beautiful.
Here too, it is important that you, as a mother, recognize this in yourself so you can pass it on to your daughter because you are one of the most important role models, especially in the first years of life.
Girls are allowed to recognize and accept the male parts within themselves and learn to use them without seeing them as the solution to all their problems.
They are an optimal complement that gives them more freedom.
And it’s a different process than boys are allowed to go through.
Focus on individual strengths
The differences between girls and boys are no justification for the general prejudices that have crept into our society.
Boys would be more interested in math than art, and girls would like to do ballet and prefer to wear pink.
Yet, ignoring natural differences in the hope that everything will turn out well could be fatal for both sexes.
Both would lose what makes them strong and could never see what is in them.
So, we should get to know the differences instead of ignoring them.
And, of course, this continues to apply to every individual strength children exhibit, regardless of gender.
It’s not about pushing boys into science and girls into ballet just because we’ve internalized that bias for so many years.
The differences do not matter when trying to educate boys and girls.
1. Do an analysis
Give yourself a moment of rest to fully get in touch with yourself and your femininity.
- What does femininity represent for you?
- What challenges do you face as a woman?
- What do you think of the positive and negative aspects of femininity?
- Take the time to talk to your partner, your father, or a good friend, with a completely open mind, and ask them how they feel about being a man?
- What does this mean for the father of your children?
- What properties does it associate with masculinity?
- What does he think of masculinity?
- What challenges does he face in life?
2. Prepare your children’s vision
- What would you like to tell a boy about what it means to be a man?
- What would you like to tell a girl about what it means to be a woman?
These questions are not answered in 5 minutes, and the answers should preferably adapt over time as you share more experiences, learn something new or gain new information on the subject.