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How to Stop Thinking about Someone Who is no Longer here or Who doesn’t Love Me

How to Stop Thinking about Someone Who is no Longer here
Photo by Rene Asmussen

When we end a relationship or are in a “strange” situation with someone who doesn’t show the love and care we give them, we often hear repeatedly that we need to let go. How easy it sounds in theory, but, in practice, how to stop thinking about someone we love or like so much?

It is normal for people to try to leave behind painful thoughts about someone who is no longer there because, to be honest, who likes to suffer?

The good news is that this process does not last forever, and according to the master in social psychology, Arturo Torres, some steps can help you in the difficult process of grieving.

Stop trying not to think about them.

Forcing your head and heart not to think about that person doesn’t work. The only thing you will achieve is to think more about them in addition to generating anxiety.

Accept that you are in the process of letting go and do not demand so much of yourself; According to Arturo Torres, accepting the memories and fantasies related to that someone does not help to stop thinking about him, but it does make you not feel so much stress about it.

On this point, there are studies by Daniel Wegner in which he asked a series of volunteers to think of a white bear. Then he asked them to avoid thinking of that same animal again, which caused the participants to think even more about white bears.

Focus your attention on things you like

According to some research, the best way to stop thinking about a person is to focus on other activities and thoughts you are passionate about but have nothing to do with that person.

This means that to get a person out of your mind, it works better to replace the obsessive thoughts with healthier ones instead of trying to eliminate them.

Get closer to your family and friends, and do things together. Go out and have fun. Practice exercise or learn something you always wanted. Pamper yourself.

Forget people who are not your partner.

A study published in 2008 in Evolution and Human Behavior revealed that you can avoid sexual fantasies about a third person by thinking about the romantic attributes of your stable partner.

For the investigation, the specialists presented photographs of beautiful men or women to the participants in the experiment and asked them to choose who they considered more attractive. Afterward, they were asked to imagine what it would be like to experience some situations with those other people.

In the third stage, the researchers asked some participants to stop thinking about that attractive person. Of course, they didn’t get and even thought of her more.

On the other hand, you later induced them to think about their stable partner, not in physical attributes but rather in why they are with her and love her.

In the end, the specialists concluded that the most effective thoughts to capture the attention of the people who participated in the study were not those related to the sexual attractiveness of another person but those that had to do with the love felt for them.

After practicing this strategy, the volunteers began to forget details about the people they had previously been unable to stop thinking about.

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